Jack in a box
by Perido
Summary: WARNING: Massive spoiler for the ending to series 7! Look away now! (you might want to check out the other story i wrote tho lol pimp pimp). Written by bluejello86 and myself for fun.


**Jack in the box…of ice **

_Pinky__ and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain…_

'Great' thought Jack, 'Stuck in ice for who knows how long with me for company. Just my luck' He resumed his efforts to blink and freak the hell out of the scientists who now surrounded his icy prison. 'Well, maybe, if I'm stuck in here for just the right amount of time, Carter will age while I retain my boyish good lucks, and then we wont have the age gap issue. Will we? This can't count as aging can it? Oh that'd be rude… plus who knew? Maybe Sam would get all wrinkly and gross. Or married. Hmm, would they invite him? He could take the frozen mammoth behind him as a date… or Jonas. Now where did that come from?'

_Brain, brain, brain, brain…_

'Damn those childhood jingles!' he thought as he fought to keep his mind on the task at hand. 'Right, if I concentrate reeeeeallly hard, and get my heart to beat really hard, maybe I can break the ice! And then I'd die because all this ancient crap would still be in my head. Great plan O'Neill! I wish Thor would get his arse in here and sort this out-I'm beginning to get a little bored'

_Noddy__, the little man with the red and yellow car_

Hmmm, Noddy. That was the one with Big Ears in it-that'd always seemed harsh to him. Calling a popular kids character Big Ears, it just didn't seem right. 'I wonder if Sam wants kids…Carter. Major Carter. Not Sam. Carter. I wonder what she sees in Pete… his nose is a little too big if you ask me…'

_He's tired and sleepy and nodding his head_

Why could he only ever remember the end of the song? Most irritating.

Maybe after all this the star gate program would go public… it wasn't as if they could have a massive battle and go around blasting holes in the ice like that without people asking questions. Hmm, if it did, he'd probably be a hero or something… maybe Mattel would make him into a doll! He could replace GI Joe! And then Sam would replace Barbie and Sindy and one of the outfits he would come with (obviously apart from work and fishing clothes) would be a tux, and she would come with a wedding dress… Oh who was he kidding? She'd probably just end up with Ken. After all he's a free agent since him and Barbie broke up. 'Now why do I even know that?' he asked himself, trying to think of a more intelligent and less Sam orientated conversation to have with himself.

_Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat_

What if she wanted a cat!? Maybe they could get a cat and a dog…

Cassie, buried beneath layers of warm clothing carefully entered the room, not wanting to slip on the ice. She made her way over to the folding chair sat in front of the chamber containing Col. O'Neill. 'Hey Uncle Jack, now I know that you probably can't hear me, but I thought that if you could you'd probably be getting lonely and bored so I thought I'd come and talk to you. You'll never guess what happened at school today! Casey and Dave had a fight! It was really scary, but you'll never guess why it happened…'

'Oh the joys of teenage girls' thought Jack wryly, temporarily zoning out on what Cassie was telling him. Still, it was nice for her to keep coming to visit-it must have been wreaking havoc on her personal life. Not that she was ever at a loss for terribly exciting gossip to share with him.

'And then Jane said that Casey liked Hannah when Casey had specifically said that he liked Danni, but he was still going out with Stacey at the time, so Hannah told Danni what Jane had said and then she told Casey and Stacey overheard and they both got mad at Jane. So Jane told Stacey that Casey and Danni had kissed because she was mad at him for being mad at her and the whole time Stacey had been cheating on him with Dave and when Maria heard about that she went straight and told Tim, who then told Eddie, Greg and Anna and then Greg (who's Casey's best friend) told him. So he got mad at Dave and then Stacey told Dave about Casey supposedly kissing Danni and he got mad at him because apparently he really liked Danni all along, and then they had a fight and they said it was over Stacey, but I think it was really over Danni because earlier in the day…'

'What the HELL is she talking about!? I really don't understand. Who's Casey anyway? Oh well, as long as he stays away from Sam…'

'…And then Sharon said to everyone that her and Danni had kissed but I don't think that really happened because Danni's only ever gone out with guys and I don't think she even likes Sharon anyway and the only reason Sharon said it even happened was because she likes Greg and Dave and she used to go out with Casey and she was jealous they weren't fighting over her…'

'This stupid, stupid block of ice. Nice of her to come visit me? Huh, it's a form of torture! And I can't even run away. Stuck here, listening to gossip about people I don't know who will probably be dead by the time I get out of here. Oh well, at least my brain will be completely turned to mush by another few hours of this so I won't mind anymore…right?

'…And then Danni and Stacey asked me what I thought and I said I didn't really know because I actually like Mike but everyone thinks I like Greg and I didn't want them to think I actually like Mike otherwise they'll tease me and Louise, his girlfriend, will get mad at me…'

'Oh God…'

'I bought seventeen today so I thought I'd tell you you're horoscope-apparently 'You're in for a bit of a tough month. There may and probably will be trouble ahead so be careful! Your watchfulness will pay off in the months to come.' Tough month eh? You'd think they'd written it with you in mind. Though troubled month seems a little bit of an understatement.'

Well there you go! Hope you liked it! There will be more as soon as Lornyloo gets some spare time from her lj lol. Go on, make our day, review!


End file.
